Impromptu Mood Flash

It's 9:34 PM. I'm doing nothing in particular. Holly is asleep. MOP and Mom are watching TV.

And I suddenly get this insane urge to storm down there and throw something at daddy dearest. I want to scream. I want to grab his collar and demand to know why on earth he committed adultery, how he could do this to us, and if he had the slightest idea how much it hurts. I want him to know how it feels - the confusion, the pain. I want him to beg and plead and say he's sorry - something he's never done.

I want him to stop controlling us. Stop shifting the blame. Stop the sick attempts at humor. Stop being the center of attention. Stop acting benevolent. Stop lying. Stop refusing "no"s.

I can't wait till I'm free. I plan. I write my poems and stories and songs. I sketch floor plans for apartments and imagine myself walking into a room. I think about cities I love: San Diego, Hong Kong, Taipei. I picture myself leaving, taking only a backpack.

But the time isn't right yet. So I take deep breaths and tell myself to calm down. I tuck myself in and wish myself sweet dreams.